Home we go… with our little princess next to us. The ride home was surreal I was so excited to get home and get settled but I was also scared at the fact I was now a mother and this little tiny baby is counting on us to take care of her forever.
As soon as we got home, first thing I wanted to do was shower and get cozy and settled. We changed Ava into a clean outfit and tried to unpack a little. I had my first visitors that day, People told me not to let people come over for a few days whilst we got settled by I am so impatient I just couldn’t wait for people to meet her and I think the adrenaline was still in me to power through. My first visitor was Becki with her mom who has been like a mother to me since i was around 3 years old so you can imagine how excited she was. Watching everyone’s reaction when they met Ava was amazing it temporarily took away the tiredness.
Over the next few days the house became filled with flowers and cards, I lost track of how many washes we put on to wash all her new clothes. The first few nights were the hardest, Me and Anthony ended up taking it in turns to sleep whilst the other stayed up with her. She did not settle well in her Moses basket so we were always on watch as much as possible. As I was breast feeding I was up pretty much 24/7 with her. She decided she wanted to cluster feed which meant she did not have a feed all at once she would do this over the course of a few hours so i pretty much spent the first few weeks sat on the sofa whilst she fed from me. Don’t get me wrong I was so happy she latched well and took to me breast feeding well but at the same time I wished more than anything that someone else could take a turn to feed her to give me a break.
We did end up giving her a few small formula bottles as I think a week of literally no sleep made me feel ill and i needed rest. I remember being up all night with Ava, me and Anthony finally thought over the idea of moving her onto formula as I just couldn’t take the pain of breast feeding anymore I was constantly in tears from the pain of it and the tiredness, and I was struggling to get around the house as I was still extremely weak from the birth.
Thankfully I have an amazing partner who helped me power through and I continued to breast feed. The more weeks passed the easier it became. I remember being really nervous about going out into public and her becoming hungry like what was I going to do? I expressed bottles just to be safe but she never really took well to bottles. We also had the dilemma of her being jaundice which ended in us taking her into hospital for tests (horrendous experience) thankfully it cleared up a few days later.
The first few weeks are definitely the hardest, I had moments where I didn’t know how I was going to function for another minute. It was an emotional roller coaster but as my body got used to lack of sleep and my boobs started to heal and she fed better I finally started to properly enjoy her and embrace being a new mommy